stuck in neutral...

I wrote a few months ago about losing my job thanks to my own stupidity. Since then I have been firing off resumes like a 4th of July fireworks show, mostly to no avail. I had a promising interview about a month ago with Build-A-Bear for a management position, Ms. Bear Rep told me I would hear something in July. Well, July is almost over with and the phone hasn't rung yet. I'm not holding my breath. So, now we come to today, I am scheduled to interview with a grocery store chain for a store management gig. I hold no hope that this will pay anywhere near what I was making before. But, since it is pretty clear that the employment opportunities around here are few and far between, I am willing to take almost anything.
I have been at a loss as to why my ass is still unemployed. I have always had an exemplary employment history and my job performance has never been in question. So why all of a sudden is me finding a job about as likely as Bush pronouncing nuclear correctly? It has 3, count'em, 3 syllables Dear Leader. In a way being unemployed has given me time to recuperate from working non-stop for 11 years. However, anxiety about the future and my ability to support my family has begun to weigh heavily on my psyche.
I will keep slogging through the classifieds in hope of a new path revealing itself among those black and white pages. Wish me luck.

Finding out you're still a bad person...

"Hey look, it's the one-armed security guard again," the wife said.

"Do you think she carries a gun?"

"I wonder if you could have one arm and still be a policeman?," she says.

"But what if she has to use a flashlight, too? How would she hold them both?," I ponder.

I turn to the wife and answer my own question, "I bet she juggles."