Friday, March 24, 2006

have you looked under the couch...

I am at a loss; or rather, I am the victim of loss. Have you ever misplaced something, not of any particular value, but nonetheless you would like to know where it is? I have been through this on occasion, you know the car keys, wallet, shoes, kid (ok, so I haven't misplaced my kid anywhere). Except for that one time at the...well anyway, we won't get into that.

Where was I?

OH! Yes, the subject.

I have lost a newly, freshly, smells great, barely touched, jar of JIF Crunchy Peanut Butter! And when I say lost, I mean really lost. Like so lost I haven't been able to find it since the day I opened it. That lost.
I have looked through every cabinet I can think of. It wasn't in the bedroom or behind the bed. Hell, I even looked in my car just in case I had thought to take it to work with me and forgot I had ever carried it out of the house. Cuz folks, that's just the kind of moron I am. My wife swears, swears up and down that I took it out of the house and left it either at work or it is still in my car. But, I ask you, why would I have forgotten something like that? I love peanut butter! I distinctly remember opening it; giddily anticipating the first crunchy bite of its peanut buttery goodness. I remember getting out the Krispy Whole Wheat Saltines just for the occasion. I remember sitting down on the futon, with my plate of crackers and my virgin jar of JIF Crunchy Peanut Butter, and savoring the first and most wonderful bite of saltine/peanut butter fusion. It was wonderful:) Sadly, the bliss was only to last that day. Because as I stated before, I am a moron.
I keep hoping it will turn up soon. Unless it was absconded with by a brood of roving aliens, whose only lot in life is to search the universe for planets of unsuspecting tools such as I and stealing their peanut butter. Bastards. Intelligent beings. My. Ass. Common thieves if you ask me.

If any of you happen to see a random jar of JIF Crunchy Peanut Butter hanging around your house and you don't know how it got there; please email me so I can retrieve the wayward thing.

Thank you for your support.

Cha

Saturday, March 11, 2006

I. Am. Bored.

Work this weekend has been slllllooooooowwwwwwww w w w w w. Did I mention the slowness of the work? Right.

So I have been tossing around an idea to write a book for awhile now. I had a lot of trouble coming up with themes for it, would decide on one, toss it, then another. I have finally nailed it down and will be starting the rough draft of it maybe tomorrow night depending on how my night goes. It's either gonna go one of two ways... Really smashing or really badly. Let's all hope for the former, 'k?

Wish me luck!

Oh yeah! Almost forgot- favorite new word: FUCKTARD! - someone who is so completely incompetent as to fuck up everything they ever lay hands on

*definition my own. You can come up with your own as you see fit.
But, isn't that awesome in its awesomeness of word-dom?

Thursday, March 02, 2006

I really couldn't have said it better myself...

This posted in the comments section of Steve's post on March 1st, titled "Bush knew Katrina was coming". Absolutely appalling, but as has been the case for several years now, nothing we didn't already know.



Posted by LowerManhattanite 03.01.06 - 11:56 pm - "Well. Well, well, f*cking-well. What have we here? It is said...that a "picture speaks a thousand words". Much like the infamous snap of the Dipsh*t-in-Chief's puckered, lame-*ss impersonation of a Chuck Berry "duck-walk" that accompanies this post. The little idiot posed for this pic as water, sh*t, death and ruin washed over New Orleans, Louisiana last year. The photo was emblematic of the callousness and "f*ck all save for me" regard that Bush had for Katrina's victims. Now, we have video...hours of moving pictures, whipping by at aprroximately 29.97 digital frames per second, showing the same miserable, little brat being warned--and direly at that, about the hell that Katrina would bring. The tapes show him being told that the SuperDome could be a deathtrap. The tapes show him being desperately warned that the levees could be rendered null and void. The tapes show him being told about a possible catastrphic loss of life. These tapes...whooshing by at 29.97 digital frames per second show him squirming like a kid at 2:58 p.m. on a school day--anxious to say anything to get the f*ck out of there and outside "to play""We are fully prepared. ""RIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNG!", and out the door he f*cking goes, leaving homework assignments and every book he needs to read haphazardly crammed into his desk. What. A. Child. Every one of those thousnds and tens of thousands of frames of video is a snapshot...of a soulless, depraved, blood-on-his-hands LIAR of the highest order. The guitar photo is almost a parable, a wry joke, a moment of irony etched in time. The stills from this video are individually captured moments of a f*cking crime scene. He sat there two days ago and LIED on national T.V. again about his response to Katrina. Stammering on about how the scenes he saw of people screaming days later let him know there was a problem brewing down there. He LIED when he said they had "no idea the levees wiuld be topped". He knew they could be topped and was vigorously warned about their topping on these tapes. He LIED about his alleged "level of engagement" with the hell that was to befall NoLa beforehand. It's documented on these tapes where he sits there mute, like Cindy-f*cking-Brady looking at a red light during a long government-wide briefing the day he left to go pose with that Goddamned guitar. This "engaged", caring--oh, the hell with it, dry-drunk f*ckstick uttered one sentence as he was told about NoLa's impending Gotterdammerung: "We are fully prepared." And then he went off to a fundraaiser and posed with his gee-tar for the cover for his then-upcoming album, "Callous Motherf*cker's Blues--Vol. 1" He lied. Lied. Lied. LIED! And we all knew it. You could see it in his guitar-face, rock-daddy picture. But now...someone has decided to do "a heckuva thing" and provide us, America, the world with moving picture evidence--29.97 frames per second; every one of 'em telling a heinous story, of the president's mendacity, un-caring and disconnected-ness from his job. He lied, folks. Lied. Lied. LIED! And now we can see it. Not merely extrapolate it from a still photo of him staring blissfully off into the distance at a cow. Or a cold beer sign. Or a fat-pocketed would-be fundraiser spilling cash all over the barnyard. Nope. We can see him sit there, utterly disengaged, haughty and lying--through his snaky, little fangs in clear digital video. Lies, folks. Lies. Lies. LIES, before the fact, during and after the fact. Deny it, now. Cover for him on this one. Tell the whole f*cking world as they watch this puny, little boy swagger and harrumph his way through life that he didn't lie about his response and knowledge about Hurricane Katrina, well beforehand. Go ahead...refute that video. Running by at 29.97 digital frames per second.Each still telling a thousand words.Or actually..more like...around thirteen hundred words. Thirteen-hundred words, people. Proper names. Words. Words...gone forever. Pictures...don't lie, people. Power-drunk, *ss-covering, callous sociopaths do".

See? I told you I couldn't have said it better.