excuse me, sir...

I was lost in the Amazonian jungle for 6 months...
I had been kidnapped by Chechyn rebels and forced into a labor camp of former American Idol losers...
No. I was trapped in a hot air balloon 2 miles above the ground due to a rare, but altogether too-common wind vortex that kept me circling the same 4 foot square spot.
Okay, okay, okay... I was really back-packing through the Northwest Territories with a white wolf who was the reincarnated Dahli Llama. He likes beef jerky.

Oh hell, fine, I really don't have a great excuse as to why I haven't posted in almost a year. The company I work for has website blocking software which includes blogger. Ugh. And I don't really make time at home to write. It's so inconvenient what with the sleeping and eating and listening to Napster. But don't think for a minute I haven't thought of you, my readers, every day of those 9 months I was absent. Except for Mondays. I hate Mondays. They hate me. It's kind of a mutual thing.

Look, I know you all feel betrayed, I really do. But, can we not move on and forgive each other? Life is too short to hold onto this bitterness and rage. Come on, group hug everyone!

No? Ah well. I'll just hug myself, even if it is awkward. And makes me feel like a retard.
But, I'll do it readers. That's how much I love you.