Wait, what year is it?

Oh, right, it's 2015. So, that means I have not published a post in, ooooooooooh, 7 years?! Oh. Oh my. Did my intrepid readers wait patiently before their laptop screens hoping for a glimmer of life from me? Were they ensconced within their fluffy duvet covers, clutching a tepid mug of Earl Grey, slowly losing all hope of an update? Doubtful, considering there were really only ever four or five followers of my prose. Ah well. Such is life! I hope to begin again the process of creation, of seeking intelligent discourse, of providing some humor. Generally, just putting my thoughts down for the world at large to critique. So, read on my fellow humans for more awaits you!

PS
Forgive my earlier posts. Ten years tends to add a considerable amount of nuance to one's vocabulary. We will all hope for more substantial wordsmith-ing.

have you heard this...

OK, so right this very instant I'm listening to some righteously cool tunege. Namely, Nellie McKay. First heard her music on the Weeds soundtrack, "David", and let me tell you I am blown away with the coolness of it all! She's got a sense of rhythm akin to Lily Allen and delivery up there with Sophie B. Hawkins all wrapped up in a catchy, jazzy mess. Absolutely love it.

Any self-respecting entertainment junkie will check out both. That is if in the last 3 years the show has been on you haven't already done so.

Unlike me, a non-self-respecting entertainment junkie who hasn't watched TV on a regular basis since NYPD Blue went off the air.

Thank God for Netflix!

excuse me, sir...

I was lost in the Amazonian jungle for 6 months...
I had been kidnapped by Chechyn rebels and forced into a labor camp of former American Idol losers...
No. I was trapped in a hot air balloon 2 miles above the ground due to a rare, but altogether too-common wind vortex that kept me circling the same 4 foot square spot.
Okay, okay, okay... I was really back-packing through the Northwest Territories with a white wolf who was the reincarnated Dahli Llama. He likes beef jerky.

Oh hell, fine, I really don't have a great excuse as to why I haven't posted in almost a year. The company I work for has website blocking software which includes blogger. Ugh. And I don't really make time at home to write. It's so inconvenient what with the sleeping and eating and listening to Napster. But don't think for a minute I haven't thought of you, my readers, every day of those 9 months I was absent. Except for Mondays. I hate Mondays. They hate me. It's kind of a mutual thing.

Look, I know you all feel betrayed, I really do. But, can we not move on and forgive each other? Life is too short to hold onto this bitterness and rage. Come on, group hug everyone!

No? Ah well. I'll just hug myself, even if it is awkward. And makes me feel like a retard.
But, I'll do it readers. That's how much I love you.

commander, schmander...

What the fuck? I'm the "Commander Guy"? You have got to be shitting me! How old is our dear leader this week? 6? I have had it up to here with all the shit this guy piles on us every time he gets the chance. This week we had the troop withdrawal bill passed by the House and Senate, then sent to numbnuts to spill veto all over it. Him all the while calling the Dems out for being obstructionists and political game players in their effort to reign this jack-ass in. I'm sorry Mr. Jerkwad, but what has your "party" done for the last 12 years? Hmm? OH, yeah, fucked us royally stupid, that's what. Now he's decided on a new label for himself that the Main-Crap-Media can spout at us ad nauseum to infinity, or until the next agnomen he bestows upon himself. "Commander Guy", jeez, he couldn't command a morning erection, let alone an entire country and military to boot. How long do we have to stand here with our noses pinched to avoid the foul stench being piled around us before something substantial is undertaken to remove him and Cheney the Dick from office? I don't think we can stand the next 2 years if he is allowed to stay there.
I can only say one thing- Don't Back Down Dems. Not now. Not ever.

since when did spring=cold as fuck?

Snow. Snow all last night. In Arkansas! WTF?!?!?!

Granted it stuck around about as long as an orgasm but not nearly as much fun. I am all kinds of familiar with the weather patterns of my home state but it's April not February (hey look, I spelled it right!) and I can definitely do without wearing my winter coat and Bahama shorts. At the same time. So fucking cool you don't even have to tell me.
I guess I really shouldn't be surprised as it's Easter weekend, Cadbury season I like to say, so we should have expected some kind of freak weather pattern. You know, a hurricane or tsunami or something. Cuz that's just how it goes around here. It is totally not possible to hide Easter eggs in anything but gale force winds and hail the size of Aunt Martha's bunions. Can't be done. I do think the snow was overdoing it just a smidge.
My family usually has a big dinner and then all the adults get their kid on and run around the yard looking for the best hiding places for eggs and bear traps. hehe :) Silly Uncle Larry. Such a kidder. Then we turn all the younger ones loose and watch overzealous moms cheat by showing their mini-me's where the eggs are. Did I mention the traps?
We'll do this about, oh, 4 times until it gets to the point of hiding the eggs in body cavities for lack of better locations. Yeah, it's awkward, but if you can't violate family members who can you violate?

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!